19 January 2012
A Quandry…
For the past week, I have been pondering a question… Man lo–
1) You have promised a friend something, help and advice of a certain sort.
2) You keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities that would be useful for this friend, try to get ideas and advice on the issue in question, and rack your brain trying to figure out ways to help directly.
3) A different friend takes a long-time dream of your husband’s and pushes it, acting as a catalyst for a huge potential change.
4) In the process of making this dream into a working venture the second friend will essentially be achieving the goal of the first friend.
5) The venture in question is not something within the known skillset of the first friend. Well, there would be some set-up and a small bit of maintenance involved in the business that would suit his knowledge–but not much. Most of the necessary work force is going to be hands-on and dirty stuff. (But oh so much fun, I think.)
6) Despite #5 above, it is remotely possible that friend 1 would be interested in joining the project just as a stepping stone to reaching his goals.
Ay Bhagwan!
Friend 1 is a hard guy to pin down and I am very rarely inclined to go chasing people for any reason–well, except my husband, but that is a different matter. LOL As I have stated previously, I am available to my friends if I am needed and I do not worry inordinately about most of them if I do not talk to them for long periods. (O-kay, let me amend that: I do not worry about the vast majority of my loved ones IF I KNOW they are o-kay; that usually means that they are following their regular patterns and are, therefore, obviously still on the planet. I HAVE been know to send friends a brief ‘hey are you alive?’ message if I see no sign of them in several weeks and no one else in our circle has news of them.)
O-kay, so no hovering, no chasing, and if a couple of attempts to contact someone go unanswered, they have to make the next move because I absolutely do not have time or energy to waste beating a dead horse. I have been known to go off the reservation from time to time and friends in the know have not always passed on the info that I am out of reach for a while. HOWEVER, when friends DO pop in and out, I sure as heck do not want to feel like I am useful only to help solve their problems or provide a shoulder to cry on while being otherwise ignorable. I don’t know if that is ego or common sense talking or if it is callous…but putting that down in words in being true to myself and my perspective on friendship. I am not a user and I can’t stand people who are. I refuse to deliberately surround myself with them or to encourage that kind of attitude. Uff! Chup raho, mera dimag… Back on track.
Other things I have been considering related to my dilemma…
I do not know how personalities are going to mesh. Both friends are very dear to me and I love them to bits. Both of them seem to feel the same way, but that does not mean that there will not be clashes. The more people involved, the harder it could potentially be on the interpersonal relationships involved. Do I want to risk my relationship to friend 1 on this crazy idea of ours?
Plus, there is always the chance of failure; even if we get the venture to fly, it could crash. Friend 2 is emotionally invested in this to an amazing degree. We have discussed the chances of success–and the potential for defeat. He is older than friend 1 and has taken risks before. He loves risk. He also believes wholeheartedly that we will overcome anything by working hard and working together and does not even accept that failure is an option. He told me, ‘Whatever comes, we will face it. We will fight together, because we have to fight.’ Of course, he said it in Hindi. LOL Do I want to risk the chance of involving my other friend in something as risky as this start-up? Is it up to me? Am I being too protective of this particular friend? Maybe. I am protective of all of my friends, but there are two of them that I am particularly apt to worry about.
So… What to do? What to do? My heart and my head are both confused. Maybe I should talk this over with friend 2… I don’t know how he will feel about bringing someone else into the scheme. Maybe I should let Karma decide–just think of a sign that will let me know one way or the other…
In the meantime, I have such a great deal of research to do to even figure out if this project is going to get off the ground! I have been at it for a week and my head is already spinning. It is almost as bad as trying to navigate all of the rigamarole involved with immigrant visas–maybe worse. Research, planning, capital…then an offer lettre to prepare for friend 2 if this pans out at all. There is also alternate planning to do in case we have to switch gears and adjust the project, because I am not going to be satisfied with the status quo any longer. Something needs to change. I need sleep but have hundreds of pages to read through.
(sigh) I am trying not to get friend 2′s hopes up; do I really need to add one more person’s interests into the mix? I could ask my husband’s advice, but I can anticipate his response. He is very protective of me and has a bad reaction to people who hurt my feelings or make me sad; the fact that friend 1 once made me cry does so NOT work in his favour as far as Jason is concerned. Of course, even if he had not apologised long ago, I would never tell my friend that he hurt me, especially not that much.
It is just too much to think anymore about right now. I am exhausted and my mind needs a break. Not only do I need to go to bed, but friend 2 is hovering around his office somewhere in Pune because I forgot to eat–again. 
That’s o-kay. It’s funny… My Indian friends and I all have this nurturing thing about each other’s eating habits–watching over each other, I guess, across the distances. (Aap apne khana khaye? Hanji. Aur aap? Kab? Kya? Bahut accha.) It’s kind of sweet. One friend absolutely does not like to cook. As a joke, I have started e-mailing him pictures of different foods during our voice chats–a sky-high stack of pancakes or a golden, flaky croissant. In return he keeps threatening to send kg’s of ladoo to me and my husband (his bara bhai). I should make ladoo and mail him a kg or two as a surprise. I may do that. One box for him and one for his roommate. I wonder how quickly I can get a package to Delhi… Arrey! Off-topic again!
On that note, I am signing off. I may or may not be able to get my brain to stop running in ragged circles about this. Whatever. I am going to try, at least. Things have a way of working out as they are intended to do. Good night and sweet dreams to my friends whom I adore. And to those of you in India to whom I cannot give these in person–mera ‘raaz’, mera ‘beta’, and those who don’t have nicknames of their own…yet: Mai ek jadu ki japhi aur bahut pyar bhi bhej rahi hu, aaj aur hamesha. Namaste.
